Myths About Relationships
Myth 1: "I Can Change My Partner"
I hear it all the time. "I'll help him/her be better. Not if he/she doesn't want to be helped or do the work their self. We all have free will to choose, to create our own reality. You can't force another human to change, they have to want to change.
Myth 2: "After We Say "I Do" We Will Live Happily Ever After"
Successful relationships take effort. Everyday you choose to love, just like you choose to go to work. Is your partner a quitter when things in their life get rough, or do they persevere through the storm? Anything worth having is worth building and growing with, so let go of that fairy tale. You can still have your Happily Ever After, just choose to make your relationship a priority and give it what it needs to stay alive.
Myth 3: "Potential Ensures a Good Man/Woman"
Don't marry potential, because potential may never manifest. Look at who they are right now. Can you commit to that person if they never change? How do they deal with conflict? Loss? Financial struggles? Frustration? Not from a judgement perspective but from an observant perspective because we all have areas to grow. If you don't like what you are seeing today, it may be worth waiting before you make a life long commitment.
Myth 4: "It doesn't matter what my family/friends say, we will make it together. Us against the world!"
Where there is counsel there is safety. Ultimately it is your choice, however the people closest to you can be helpful at seeing things that sometimes you miss. Your emotions may cause your vision to be cloudy.
Try not to close yourself off from the people who love you and want to see you succeed because when you marry someone you do connect with their family too.
Myth 5: "We Will Be Nothing Like Our Parents"
The truth is how you relate to others and your expectations in a relationship are based off of past experiences. What you have seen modeled shows up in your life in some way. Your view of roles in a relationship is a reflection of what you saw or didn't see in your home, family, ect. Awareness allows you to make different choices than your parents but foundational principles usually show up in your next family.
Be aware and collaborate with your partner on what you both want to bring to your new family system.